Piers - The Limerick.

There once was a man called Piers Morgan;

Who thought “Let me do what I can

To poison our discourse;

Because I’ve never had remorse.

I’m a sociopath and I do what I can.”

Friday Limerick

One day we’ll just say “But Jesus..."
You never made anything but cheeses;
You just moved us on your chessboard;
Which bored us out of our gourd;
And ultimately that never did please us.

Limerick Nouveau

There once was a footballer so vile

No-one could think of him and smile.

He awaited his fate.

On a yet undecided date;

The one that would begin the trial.

Who needs a new limerick?

In the time when we’re all acting poorly, 

All looking for Bandaids so sorely; 

A balm for our minds, 

Some help for the hinds, 

Our deer are all behaving impurely.

Another Spamming Shitfest

AMAZON Invoice Paid Brian W Smith 215 N Putt Corners Rd New Paltz, NY, 12561 Your order Invoice: # 918-54968315-15684 Invoice date: 7/14/2021 5:56:10 PM Payment method: Online Product Deliver Date Price 01 July, 18 2021 US-$1990.00 Dell XPS 13 (9310), 13.4- inch FHD+ Touch Laptop - Intel Core i7-1185G7, 16GB 4267MHz LPDDR4x RAM, 512GB SSD, Iris Xe Graphics, Windows 10 Pro -US$1990.00 The US $1990.00 payment will appear on your bank/card statement in 24 hours. If you have a problem with your order (e.g. doesn’t recognize the charge, or want a refund on this transaction). If you have any questions or if you’re encountering problems, our support team at +1‪(202) 507-9304‬ is happy to assist you. Alternatively, you can visit our Support Desk. Amazon Support Team Helpline number +1‪(202) 507-9304‬ From this asshat: Return-Path:

New Limerick

There once was man called Lou Gohmert

Who never saw poor people he wouldn’t hurt.

Producing policies so dire

He never would tire.

Until all that was left would be scorched dirt.

Scam du Jour

LMAO

Coris Bank Int'l Group

Notification of payment by atm card

Attention beneficiary,

We are hereby officially notifying you about the present arrangement to pay you your outstanding Overdue unclaimed approved inheritance Fund Via our ATM Card Telegraphic Transfer which is more safer and simple, the ATM Card will contain an INTERNET Banking Login for Mobile transfers,this arrangement was initiated/constituted by the European Union and the World Bank due to fraudulent activities going on around the world. The World Bank introduced this payment arrangement as to enable all beneficiaries to receive their funds without any interference. This Atm cards are powered by inter-switch Card company worldwide, Please note that what we will be sending to you is Coris Visa Card which is accepted at over 900,000 atm centers in over 195 countries worldwide, The Card will be loaded with a total sum of $1,250,000.00USD (One Million Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand dollars) which is the total amount due to you for payment now and after this one is cleared another will be paid in until your total funds and completely paid out.

In line with the withdrawal Procedures of this Atm Visa Card, Your Visa Card will allow you to withdraw large quantities amounts of ($18,000.00USD), daily and you can also make a transfer of below $10,000.00USD from your Visa Card to any of your bank account without paying any transfer charges until all the funds credited in your Card are exhausted. Your Atm Card shall be delivery via Federal Express Service & Logistics company and the charges associated with the delivery are $135USD only and will be paid upfront to enable the Logistics company carry on their delivery assignment. in view of this, you are advised to contact the director (IBB, IRD, and ATM) Dr. Nelson T. Sochima for further information with the following contact.

Contact Person: Dr. Nelson T. Sochima
Email: corisbankgroupcotonoubj@mail.bg
Director ATM CARD DEPARTMENT
Coris Bank Int'l Group Plc

Reconfirm the following information to him for security reason
1) Your full name:...................
2) Your receiving address:...........
3) Your telephone number:............
4) Your profession:..................

The One Hundred and Thirty five dollars is the last and only fee associated to this delivery of your package, so we urge you to cooperate as instructed and receive your package.

Best regards,
Mrs. Doris Jones
Secretary Coris Bank Int'l Group

My LaPierre Limerick

There once was a man called LaPierre

Who said “I shoot this elephant where”?

Bang! “Here?” Bang! “Here?”

Bang! “Behind this Big Ear?”

And then his wife mutilated its derriere.

A New Scam Email...

Greetings Sir,

I am Hamad Al-Mohannadi Member of the Board in Qatar Petroleum.

I got your contact details from deep internet date mining, after

piritual meditation with my imam and your name was mentioned by him,

as the right person with integrity to transact with. I have 100 Million

USD legal fund of mine in a Bank in Dubai. I will give you the

certificate of deposit and prove of fund when you respond to my email.

I seek for a capable hand to invest this fund in any lucrative

business that has the capability to yield 10% return on investment

yearly, excluding the first year the fund was invested. I am

considering resigning in a months’ time, and I need to secure my

family future as fast as possible.

The brokerage company who were doing bond/stock trading on the said

fund before stock went down all over the world, will transfer all

right to you by my authorization letter. If you assure me that you can

handle the investment fund with my condition of 10% ROI (Return on

Investment) as stated above. My Investment attorney will have to draft

a memorandum of Understanding which we will read agree and sign before

proceeding with this joint venture investment proposal.

I await your swift response

Yours Sincerely

Hamad Al-Mohannadi

Email: hamad.mohannadi@dpsa-za.com

A New Scam. Funny he doesn't know the economic situation in the US.

Hello Dear,

How are you doing and hope all is well with you.

I hope this may not constitute sort of embarrassment to you.

I am Simon Chew, CEO: Hector Trust Finance and Loans, a UK based

company. Can I please kindly share an issue with you in respect of an

investment idea my junior employee brought to my attention that

investing in your Region will yield good profits but I have no idea of

the economic situation in your country and how the sustainable

developments look like.

I am soliciting an investment partnership with you in respect of my

client, an Arabian Oil  Merchant who is ready to invest into viable

projects as recommended by the potential partner. As soon as I confirm

your readiness and willingness to partner with us, I will put in place

solid arrangements for a meeting with my client at a comfortable and

convenient place for both parties.

On this note, I want to seek some advice and ideas related to this

issue regarding investing in your country. I will appreciate it if you

can educate me on this matter. Meanwhile; we would like to invest in

various lucrative categories such as Real Estates/Low cost housing units, 

Hotels / Resorts, Agriculture/Aquaculture, Pharmaceutical

products, Healthcare, Education, Oil & Gas, Waste Management and

Mining.

Kindly let me know if you can assist in good investment ideas in your country.

will be happy if you send me an email in this regard with informative details.

Thanks,

Simon Chew

CEO: Hector Trust Finance & Loans.

Hector Charity (NGO)

---||---

WHAT are "Real Estates"? LMAO.

Limericks are My Life

There once was a lawyer call Dershowitz 
Who people agreed was the worst there is. 
He was a friend of Jeff Epstein's, 
A man who could supply teens 
To the hotel rooms of old men to do what they would with.

---||---

There once was a man called Caviezel,

And people exclaimed "Oh, that weasel!"

When they heard is name trending

With theories suspending

Belief; like Van Gogh's bloody ear on an easel.

Love this Spam Email starts "Hello Dear" from a US bank

From the Desk of Alexander Terry .M

Foreign Remittance Operation

City State Bank (CSB)

701 W Round-bunch Rd Bridge City,Texas 77611

United States of America.

Hello Dear ,

My name is Terry Alexander I got your contact through the country's exchange Online, and then I decided to write to you.I’m interested in investing in any good profit yielding business and I would appreciate any viable ideas you could come up with. I am just soliciting your assistance in the Handling of US$ 37.5M USD. 

{ Thirty-seven million five hundred thousand United States dollars} .

This fund belongs to our Late Costumer Mr. Zhang Zhaoyun from

 China who died without a Will after being infected on the Diamond

 Princess Cruise Ship with his wife and daughter with {Covid-19 } Coronavirus 8 months ago and never came back to the Bank. 

He operates in real estate, construction, and leasing of warehouses. 

The instruments/documents of his Estate are in my Bank's custody including 

the amount of US$ 37.5M USD.{ Thirty-seven million five hundred thousand United States dollars}. I cannot make use of this funds here in United States of America due to reasons that I will explain to you when we speak.

I intend to part 40% of this fund to you while 60% shall be for me. 

I do need to stress that there are no-risk involved in this. It's going to be a Direct transaction.

All I need from you is to stand as the original beneficiary of this fund. If you accept this offer,I will appreciate your timely response,

with Regards, 

Terry Alexander M.

Limericks are Great

There once was a Senator called Cruz, 
Who scurried around for a muse. 
He wrapped a rifle barrel in bacon 
Like a rightist’s true blazon 
And yet he can’t understand why the GOP lose.

Pun of the Year?

I know I shouldn't brag, this being one of mine.....

I hear the BBC might remake the Gormenghast TV show; Hugh Grant is a tremendous fan and has begged the producers for a part, a Flay Grant if you will.

But methinks this has some merit.

Movies to avoid in 2021 - There's been a Shit Build Up

Movies to avoid in 2021 – as every year, remakes, reboots, re-imaginings, sequels, stuff stolen from the TV of my childhood, shit with Mel Gibson in it, the ideas deserts that are comic book movies and Matt Damon as Jason Bourne.

Cinderella

BLITHE SPIRIT???????

Tom and Jerry

Coming 2 America

Masters of The Universe

The Boss Baby: Family Business

Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway

Bob’s Burgers

Mortal Kombat

A Quiet Place 2

Godzilla vs Kong

Spiral: From The Book of Saw

Cruella

Fast and Furious 9

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
Ghostbusters: Afterlife

Venom: Let There Be Carnage

Minions: the Rise of Gru

Top Gun: Maverick

The Forever Purge

Space Jam 2: A New Legacy

Hotel Transylvania 4

The Suicide Squad (?????)

Don’t Breathe 2

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

Candyman

Jackass 4

Death on the Nail

Halloween Kills

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

Clifford The Big Red Dog

Spider-Man 3

Mission: Impossible 7

West Side Story

The Matrix 4

Sing 2

ONE EXCEPTION TO THESE RULES = DUNE

Limerick

There once was a man who wouldn’t go

Even though the electorate told him to.

When they cried “Leave, you really ought”

He heard “Take your case to the Supreme Court.

Where 17 AGs will reap what you sow.

The Collinsworth Limerick

There was was a man called Cris Collinsworth 
Who seemed to not know women walked the Earth, 
And they know schemes and plays! 
Are we in the Last Days? 
I'm sure he can find us the Bible verse.

Limericks gegen Rodney Howard-Browne

ONE

There once was a pastor so rank 

He conned while the economy sank; 
"Just send us your money" 
"To me and my honey" "
And we'll laugh all the way to the bank"

TWO

There once was a man with no civility 

Who simply leached off of Christ's pure humility 

He lied to his flocks 

Just to make the big bucks 

We all know where he's spending eternity.

THREE

There once was a man in Tampa Bay 

Who just milked his "flock" to make hay. 

He distorted and lied 

Until Jesus cried 

"You''re so burning on Judgment Day".

FOUR

To be blocked by a man known as Rodney 

Is enough to make a man say: "Sod me!" 

"My life is on track" 

"Not seeing the cack"

 "He spews into the world all around me".

FIVE

There once a man from South Africa. 

Who said "I've never been happier" 

"Putting down a black President" 

"Like a 'Whites Only' resident" 

"As a pastor I've never been tackier"

More Haikus

The counting drags on 

Over hump into the dark; 

Empty screaming Dark  

Presidents, they fail; 

Time, opportunities slip. 

Nothing is achieved. 

Thanksgiving arrives, 

Families remain apart; 

And a virus smiles.  

They count and they count; 

Then they sleep for a few hours. 

And find more ballots. 

The weekend comes on; 

A ball lands in an endzone. 

Many beers are drunk.

Haikus of Despair

 

A debate tonight
And as California burns
We spend our last pence.

#HaikuChallenge

Behind a glass screen
Spittle flies, policy dies
And a Country weeps.

#HaikuChallenge

Heroes just show up
Leaders preen, but only that.
And jobs go away.

#HaikuChallenge

Lemmy and Eddie.
Together. Ripping God’s ears.
Making angels dance.

#HaikuChallenge

He won; no she won
A Neolib shapeshifter
Or seller of doves?

#HaikuChallenge