I think there is something in the water down here

Recently, Tullian Tchividjian the grandson of Billy Graham announced he was resigning from his position as the Senior Pastor of the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale because of a personal "moral failing" - apparently he was driven into the arms of another by wifely infidelity.

Though his wife's riposte to his initial explanation for his resignation of "Well, that's his story!" is kind of telling.

Pastot Tullian in happier times

Tullian's downfall comes only 15 months after Pastor Bob Coy of Calvary Chapel of Fort Lauderdale also resigned over what itself was initially described as a "moral failing". Though as you can see from the picture below taken just before his demise, Pastor Bob was already auditioning for his part of a Lost Soul Wandering in the Desert of Moral Bankruptcy. Either that or he was moonlighting as a lumberjack while still pulling in his $500,000 a year salary from what we can now laughingly call a "Church". HALF A MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR? You've got to be shitting me.

But alas Calvary Chapel, you are not.

Since his ouster, we have learned that Pastor Bob was having multiple affairs while also enjoying the fleshly delights found in Internet Pornography. So pretty much he succumbed to the curse of any asshat moralizer - participation in the stuff he condemned to his flock just about every Sunday. And how often do we see this behavior? ALL THE DAMNED TIME.

Pastor Bob indicating his preference in waist sizes

So what is going on here? And can we see any patterns of behavior to look out for in the future?

Well one thing these guys had in common was wastrel youth. Both were admitted druggies before "finding the Lord". I'm sure they would both make some bullshit "Prodigal Son" argument as to why they should legitimately have been given jobs as Pastors when they got their breaks into Big Time Ministry. But perhaps those early lives should have raised some red flags to the Churches leaders who hired them?

Perhaps we can make a rule: Druggie at 25, no $500,000 tax free ministry job at 45. You can work for the Church with that past, but leading the flock for the Big Bucks? I don't think so. Christ preached forgiveness for sure. But I don't think he taught His Church should be gullible and easily hoodwinked.

And secondarily.....

Both of these falls from grace happned in South Florida - a State of tropical heat, little clothing, body shots and very tiny bikinis. Could men of dubious moral character such as these two resist the temptations Florida offers every day? After all, they could not resist the call of drugs when they were younger. And the hot girls of South Florida know what to do to get a man with a half  million dollar salary to party like he's 18 all over again.

So I see these two cases as very much related. And both falls from their respective ministries should have been at least anticipated by the people who made these men the leaders of multimillion dollar congregations.

Want to to see what South Florida tempatation can look like? Well here is the Miami-native actress formerly know as Ms Selena Rose...

South Florida Temptation

So only one question remains. And it is "Who's next?"

It's only a matter of time. We all know it.

The clown car now needs to be a clown coach

"You're gonna need a bigger boat" is one of the great lines from the movie "Jaws". I think the necessity for a bigger mode of transportation could now be applied to the GOP clown car with the addition of John Ellis Bush ( aka Jeb! ), Donald Trump and Donald Trump's ego entering the race for the GOP nomination for President.

Though I'm sure Trump would quickly snipe back at that by saying "My boat/car/mansion/estate/empire" are already as big as they can be. And it they're aren't it's all the fault of the rapist and leprous ISIS-supporting immigrants who are restricting my God-given freedoms of assholery and buffoonery."

So as the reverse of any kind of winnowing process is entering full gear, we now have two more candidates for the GOP nomination. And one will actually be the GOP nominee.

John Ellis Bush ( aka Jeb! )

Straight off the bat, I refuse to say "Jeb Bush" because that's saying "John Ellis Bush Bush" which when you think about it, is really Fucking Stupid. And while we are on this subject. puh-lease mainstream media, why did you all to a man say "The name Bush is not even in his logo for President"? The "b" in Jeb stands for "bush" you lazy lazy lazy morons. Even the BBC god bless 'em, were guilty of running with this less than honest narrative.

Stop it. Don't do it again.

So the Big Dog is in. And what we can now say is that we saw the Big Dog coming on the horizon a long time ago and strangely as he has come closer, we didn't see his stature increasing. This means that when he finally arrived at Miami-Dade College for his Big Event yesterday, instead of a towering candidate ready to take on the mantle of front runner, the Big Dog of our expectations shrank before out eyes into a wee Mexican Chihuahua speaking in Spanish.

And I think when it was translated it came out as "No-one deserves to be President, except me and any members of my family who want to hold the office in future."

Now Jeb has his work cut out for him for sure. His stances on Common Core and immigration reform are problematical to the GOP base, but he's the Party Choice, so he will get the nomination. All he has to keep saying is that he won't compromise his positions and his PACs just need to spin ads out their asses about him being a "Man of Principle and Integrity". Then barring any major scandals coming up, the nomination will be his.

And then we come to The Buffoon....

Donald John Trump Sr.

Why?

I have two theories. Both are outlandish. Both could be true.

(1) The hairpiece wants to run free on the White House lawn.

Or (2) Mr.Trump really feels the need to run because that explanation in "Cabin In The Woods" why blondes are stupid, WASN'T JUST A STORY.

Get me a Stretch, this Clown Car is too small. Part 1b

And just when you thought there was only John Ellis Bush left to enter the GOP race, up screams an Uber car in the parking lot where our fictitious clown car limo is idling and who falls out all drawl and no clue.......?

Of course it's Governor Rick Perry of Texas. A man condemned out of his own mouth in his last Presidential bid and as every Texas Governor before him, roundly rebuked by the pen of the late Molly Ivins as to his complete unsuitability for the job to which he aspires.

And just in case you don't know what I mean, Google "Weak Gubernatorial System" and get back to me.

Texas has such a system. The Governor is pretty much a figurehead position in the state. His main functions being to open public buildings and deny clemency to death row inmates. The powerful men in states like Texas are all in the legislature. The Governor in Texas isn't a Decider, he's an Endorser of what is laid before him. Just a Signer if you will.

It really frosts my nads when I hear "Well, he has 'Executive Experience'. He was the Governor of the second largest state in the nation" because no he doesn't really and so what? If you have no true power, it doesn't really matter what size your state is.

And what the heck was going on with the music playing in today's announcement of his new Presidential bid? Does he have advisers telling him to act all Jerry Lee Lewis or something? God that was bad! And way too obtrusive. And all Honky Tonk Revivalist.

And just before we go.......

Texas Governors always say they cannot grant clemency in Death Penalty cases because that is the job of the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles, and indeed if that Board does vote to not give clemency, the Governor has to abide by their decision. That is how the Texas non-clemency procedure works. The Governor has authority to grant clemency only upon a written recommendation of a majority of the Board of Pardons and Paroles. Amazing I know.

HOWEVER........

The Governor appoints the members of that board and if he wanted to, he could stack it with people who would favor clemency - not anti-death penalty proponents, just with people who have, I don't know, some sense of humanity.

But no, Texas Governors always hide behind this complete fig leaf of "Not my decision" when in actual fact, they could easily make Texas a more humane state by just doing the right thing and making a death sentence REALLY REALLY HARD to carry out.

And if a Texas Governor did that, and the number of executions was drastically reduced and people saw nothing bad came of it, then I think we could see eventually Texas going the way of Nebraska.

Which would be beyond a Good Thing.

Get me a Stretch, this Clown Car is too small. Part 1

I fall off my chair laughing every time I hear a GOP operative or party shill say with a straight face, "Unlike last time, today we have a really strong field of candidates".

I think that's code for "At least we don't have a Mormon this time!" and "We have an African-American guy who's not Herman Cain." and "We've got a woman too".

So who are these Strong Candidates? Who stands out for you? I don't really see any of them being President.

Dateline 06/01/15 the following people have declared for the GOP nomination and they are all pretty universally BAD candidates.

Rick Santorum
Rick is trying a novel strategy. He's running as a "Man of the People" and against the GOP's principle backers - Big Business and their Big Money. The problem as I see it is that even though last time Rick finished second to Mitt "Mittens" Romney he can never appeal to sufficient people with this strategy to even get the barest of campaign traction.

Plus of course, Rick still has a huge Full-Of-Himself Religion Problem that can never be overcome.

And taking the dead baby home to "meet the family"? Absolutely NOT. Absolutely CREEPS ME OUT.

Ted Cruz
Senator Cruz is I think we can say, the Tea Party darling. This dooms him with the sensible people. And no matter what the courts say, he does still bring with him that whole "not born in the US thing".

Senator Cruz is supposed to be this "Master Orator" from his days of debating at Harvard - to date I've seen no evidence that he's more than a Talking Points Machine. Hitting all the notes in a speech is surely better than writing those points on your hand, but you have to be engaging while you do so. And Ted Cruz is not that.

Rand Paul
Two things probably rule out Rand Paul, (1) he's too much his own man and (2) he is a Junior Senator - and we all know how that worked out last time. Yes, I realize the Junior Senator millstone can also be hung around Ted Cruz's and Mark Rubio's necks.

Senator Paul is however right on War and on the Loss of Liberties after 9/11.

However some of his statements in the past concerning the Civil Rights Movement have been very problematic. I'm sure that will come up at some point.

Carly Fiorina
The woman who almost destroyed H-P, outsourced 30,000 US jobs and yet walked away with $22 million when she was canned, is in this race for one reason and one reason only. And that is to beat on Hillary. Relentlessly and not in a sexist way.

Ben Carson
One inappropriate speech at a National Prayer Breakfast and the monstrous ego of the medical profession, do not make for a viable candidate. Doctor Carson has already shot himself in the foot multiple times. He will only do so again as time goes on. He is wildly popular with the Republican Base, but as I like to remind everyone, Al Queada also means "The Base". Doctor Carson is in the race to trash the President's record while not being pinnable with the R-word.

His chance of gaining the Republican nomination is ZERO.

Mike Huckabee
Governor Huckabee thinks the way to the nomination is to out-Christ-y Rick Santorum. News just in: This may work with the rabid-most wing of the GOP, but it won't in the end win you the nomination after you've scared off the party's Corporate Masters and Bag Men.

Also with the Governor, his "Sticking By The Duggars" strategy is a Big Loser.
 
Marco Rubio
Another Junior Senator who's not getting the nomination. But as a Vice Presidential candidate Senator Rubio is absolutely golden.

His quest for the nomination fails because he's too Hispanic on the Immigration question. Also his slightly fudged family backstory to make the whole "Fleeing Communism for Freedom" narrative more heroic is really unseemly. And smacks of "trying too hard" to ingratiate himself with GOP voters.

You're young, you speak Spanish, you can bring Florida votes to the Electoral College. VP should be enough for you. THIS TIME.

George Pataki 
To run for President in the age in which we live, you have to have Name Recognition. Without that, you will never have the money to run even a mediocre campaign. Sheldon Adelson can only have one horse in the race. And I don't think Governor Pataki is his guy.

Lindsey Graham
Well you have to hand it to The Dapper One, calling for more US troops in Iraq as one of his major campaign promises, dooms him out of the gate. If he was a racehorse, they'd be putting him down right about....now.