Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Movies to avoid in 2021 - There's been a Shit Build Up

Movies to avoid in 2021 – as every year, remakes, reboots, re-imaginings, sequels, stuff stolen from the TV of my childhood, shit with Mel Gibson in it, the ideas deserts that are comic book movies and Matt Damon as Jason Bourne.


Cinderella

BLITHE SPIRIT???????

Tom and Jerry

Coming 2 America

Masters of The Universe

The Boss Baby: Family Business

Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway

Bob’s Burgers

Mortal Kombat

A Quiet Place 2

Godzilla vs Kong

Spiral: From The Book of Saw

Cruella

Fast and Furious 9

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
Ghostbusters: Afterlife

Venom: Let There Be Carnage

Minions: the Rise of Gru

Top Gun: Maverick

The Forever Purge

Space Jam 2: A New Legacy

Hotel Transylvania 4

The Suicide Squad (?????)

Don’t Breathe 2

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

Candyman

Jackass 4

Death on the Nail

Halloween Kills

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

Clifford The Big Red Dog

Spider-Man 3

Mission: Impossible 7

West Side Story

The Matrix 4

Sing 2


ONE EXCEPTION TO THESE RULES = DUNE

Thursday, December 10, 2020

Limerick

There once was a man who wouldn’t go
Even though the electorate told him to.
When they cried “Leave, you really ought”
He heard “Take your case to the Supreme Court.

Where 17 AGs will reap what you sow.

Thursday, December 03, 2020

The Collinsworth Limerick

There was was a man called Cris Collinsworth 
Who seemed to not know women walked the Earth, 
And they know schemes and plays! 
Are we in the Last Days? 
I'm sure he can find us the Bible verse.

Limericks gegen Rodney Howard-Browne

ONE
There once was a pastor so rank 
He conned while the economy sank; 
"Just send us your money" 
"To me and my honey" "
And we'll laugh all the way to the bank"

TWO
There once was a man with no civility 
Who simply leached off of Christ's pure humility 
He lied to his flocks 
Just to make the big bucks 
We all know where he's spending eternity.

THREE
There once was a man in Tampa Bay 
Who just milked his "flock" to make hay. 
He distorted and lied 
Until Jesus cried 
"You''re so burning on Judgment Day".

FOUR
To be blocked by a man known as Rodney 
Is enough to make a man say: "Sod me!" 
"My life is on track" 
"Not seeing the cack"
 "He spews into the world all around me".

FIVE
There once a man from South Africa. 
Who said "I've never been happier" 
"Putting down a black President" 
"Like a 'Whites Only' resident" 
"As a pastor I've never been tackier"

More Haikus

The counting drags on 
Over hump into the dark; 
Empty screaming Dark  

Presidents, they fail; 
Time, opportunities slip. 
Nothing is achieved. 

Thanksgiving arrives, 
Families remain apart; 
And a virus smiles.  

They count and they count; 
Then they sleep for a few hours. 
And find more ballots. 

The weekend comes on; 
A ball lands in an endzone. 
Many beers are drunk.

Wednesday, October 07, 2020

Haikus of Despair

 

A debate tonight
And as California burns
We spend our last pence.

#HaikuChallenge


Behind a glass screen
Spittle flies, policy dies
And a Country weeps.

#HaikuChallenge


Heroes just show up
Leaders preen, but only that.
And jobs go away.

#HaikuChallenge


Lemmy and Eddie.
Together. Ripping God’s ears.
Making angels dance.

#HaikuChallenge


He won; no she won
A Neolib shapeshifter
Or seller of doves?

#HaikuChallenge

Monday, August 31, 2020

Melissa's Race to Battle Brain Cancer

Melissa's Race to Battle Brain Cancer: Melissa's Race to Battle Brain Cancer is on Thursday July 16, 2020 to Thursday September 10, 2020.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

Want to remember the US Presidents?

When A Joke Made Me A Joker,
Van Held The Poker,
The Fiery Poker.

But Long John Goose Had Gone
And Chased His Crazy Moose
‘Round The West Hollering,

“Can’t Help Rinse Those Empty Kettles Just Now, Friend."

Come ‘Round By Charlie’s Bed Often Tiny! 

(or: Colanders Rinse Bad Cabbage Best, Obviously Traditional)


---||---


  • Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, (Quincy) Adams, Jackson,
  • Van Buren, Harrison, Tyler, Polk,
  • Taylor, Fillmore, Pierce,
  • Buchanan, Lincoln, Johnson, Grant, Hayes, Garfield,
  • Arthur, Cleveland, Harrison, Cleveland, McKinley,
  • Roosevelt, Taft, Wilson, Harding,
  • Coolidge, Hoover, Roosevelt, Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford,
  • Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Want to remember the Kings and Queens of England?

Well try this...


Willie, Willie, Harry, Stee,
Harry, Dick, John, Harry 3.
1, 2, 3, Neds, Richard 2.
Henry 4, 5, 6,

Then who?

Edwards 4, 5,
Dick the Bad.
Harries Twain
And Ned the Lad.

Mary. Lizzie,
James the Vain,
Charlie, Charlie,
James again.

William and Mary, Anna G’loria
4 Georges,
William,
And Victoria.

Edward Seven, Georgie Five,
Edward,
George,
And Liz (alive).

Sunday, June 14, 2020

How's it doin'?

You know I got these snakes
And I cannot lie
They'll bite you in the ass
Just to watch you die.

They ain't all like that
Some are slick and smooth
Like a cat in a club
Wanting into your goove.

There's a limit to venom
You know that's true
Some might take you to heaven
But only if you want to.

Got a bad reputation
For doing some harm
Cuz we live in a nation
Where we don't do calm.

There's no correlation 
Between a bite from an asp
When the envenomation's
already in your grasp.

You'll die from your paucity
You'll die in pain
In the heart of a poor city
You know who's to blame.

Monday, May 18, 2020

EPIC FAIL: Got another "We switched on your webcam" scam email


Email Subject: I am aware, xxxxxxx, is your password

I require your full attention for the up coming 24 hours. Or I may make sure you that you live out of embarrassment for the rest of your existence.

Me: LMAO. Can I live out of the trunk of my car instead?

Hello, you do not know me personally. But I know everything concerning you. All of your facebook contact list, smartphone contatcts along with all the online activity in your computer from previous 157 days.

Me: LMAO. Why 157?

Which includes your masturbation video footage, which brings me to the main reason why I am crafting this specific e-mail to you.

Me: I am on tenterhooks!

Well, the last time you went to the porno websites, my spyware was activated in your personal computer which ended up documenting a beautiful footage of your masturbation play by triggering your web cam. you got a seriously odd preference btw lmafao I have got the full recording.

Me: What are “the porno websites”? LMAO.

Just in case you think I am playing around, simply reply proof and I will be forwarding the recording randomly to 10 people you’re friends with. It may end up being your friend, co workers, boss, mother and father I’m not sure! My software program will randomly choose the contact details. Would you be capable to gaze into anyone’s eyes again after it? I question that… But, doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. I would like to make you a one time, non negotiable offer. Buy $ 2000 in bitcoin and send it to the address below:

1*bitCoinkeyfOllowsheRE

[case SENSITIVE, copy and paste it and remove * from it ] If you don’t know how, lookup how to purchase bitcoin. Do not waste my valuable time ) If you send out this ‘donation’ (we will call it that?). Right after that, I will disappear and never ever contact you again. I will get rid of everything I’ve got concerning you. You may very well continue living your current normal day to day lifestyle with zero concerns. You’ve got 1 day to do so. Your time begins as quickly as you go through this mail. I have an one of a kind code that will inform me once you have read this mail therefore don’t attempt to play smart.

Me: LMAO so hard. (a) I have more than one friend and (b) my parents never had an online presence and (c) I can look anyone in the eyes. If I met you, could you say the same?

Me: You are, what is the word I am looking for…..? Oh yes, A FUCKING LOSER and actually yes, I AM SMARTER THAN YOU.

Wednesday, January 08, 2020

Movies to give a wide berth to in 2020


Tentatively, these are the movies to avoid in 2020

Bad Boys For Life
Dolittle
Birds of Prey: The Emancipation of Harley Quinn
Fantasy Island
Sonic The Hedgehog
A Quiet Place: Part II
Mulan
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway
Black Widow
Legally Blonde 3
Scoob!
Fast and Furious 9
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run
Wonder Woman 1984
Candyman
Top Gun: Maverick
Minions: The Rise of Gru
Ghostbusters: Afterlife
The Purge 5
Bob’s Burgers
Escape Room 2
Bill and Ted Face the Music
The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
The King’s Man
Venom 2
Death On The Nile
Snake Eyes
Godzilla vs Kong
Coming 2 America
West Side Story
The Croods 2
Tom and Jerry

Friday, January 03, 2020

My Movies in 2019


Movies I saw in 2019

Stan and Ollie
Fighting With My Family
Greta
Us
Long Shot
Trial By Fire

Booksmart

The Dead Don’t Die
Anna ( aka The Poor Man’s Red Sparrow )

Midsommar ( twice )

Crawl
The Art of Self Defense
Once Upon a Time In Hollywood
Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark
Ready or Not
The Farewell
Dora and the Lost City of Gold
Official Secrets
Ad Astra
The Shining

Joker

IT Chapter 2
Lucy In The Sky
Pain And Glory
The Lighthouse

Jojo Rabbit

Motherless Brooklyn
Midway
Ford vs Ferrari
Parasite
Queen and Slim
Waves
Bombshell
Knives Out
Little Women