Alexander is wounded in India.
"We are going home!" Hurrah! "You look a bit pastey mate!"
In the midst of all those accents on view ( can accents be
on view?? ), I'm sure there must have been some 'Strine there.
"Babylon will cheer you up. What you need is a good Greek
rogering in a warmer climate than this".
The Hindu Kush is no place for the love that dare not speak its
name. It will look its name though. Often. And very longingly.
They return to Babylon - after we see "the biggest mistake he ever made".
Which was apparently a 15 second crossing of a desert as the "quickest way home". No apparent hardship - no scenes with weary soldiers dropping like flies into the sand.
Meanwhile now back home in Babylon......
Hephystion dies - someone says "Typhus water from India" or something.
- I forgot to mention the sound quality is pretty crapola.
Cue tears...now attack Rosario Dawson because "he is the only one
I ever loved"....."No! No! My Alexander, I have having your son..."
Dum dum duuuuuuuurm!
Next scene our 'manly' hero in bed - looking mighty poorly.
"you are strong my king....you must recover....the kingdom...
....rent asunder if you die..the sattrapies will revolt....
....my liege....I have swallowed what some call a 'dictionary'...
and find an inane desire to say 'sattrap" and its plural over and
over and over again.......".
Some people might replace the word 'dictionary' here with a more
"greek-friendly" word here - like thesorearse.
Cue hallucinations from the banner/fan swinging above his bed.
Oooooh - Metaphor. I've heard of that. See the mighty eagle that
has been his guide in life swing out of the banner and swoop towards
him....filling the whole screen as it comes screaming in and takes his
life - a life bereft - now the lovely Hephystion has bitten the pillow
for the last time.
Reach for the eagle....try to grasp...the...meaning...of...this...
....very bad......movie.
Uuuuuuuuuurhhhhhhhh (death rattle) - arm drops to side of bed and
a now useless bauble - the royal ring ( pfnarr, pfnarr ) given
to him by his "best friend" rolls off the outstretched finger on
his outstretched hand on his outflung arm and doink doink doinky
doink! - it falls, in oh so slow motion, onto the cold stone floor.
Yes. He's finally gone to the overacting school in the sky.
Squabble. Squabble. Squabble. Narration: "The kingdom fell apart...
his mother was murdered.....his wife was murdered....his son...was
....murdered".
Cue Hannibal Lecter - "I became Pharoh of Egypt in the part of
the once great Empire I wrested for myself. He was a Great Man,
Magerium...Alexandrium..........Alexander.....The.......Great"
As in "Great, this movie is really, finally.....over"
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