Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Travails of Father Albert


So finally I have to come to the Father Albert Cutie story.

Not too sure how much traction this story is having nationally, But down here in South Florida it is quite a big deal - especially after Father Albert himself introduced that perennial Dade County element - "It was CUBAN SPIES that made me do it".

Let me give a little background. I see the Father Albert story as simply the latest cherry to precariously sit atop South Florida's rancid Archdiocese of Miami.

For me, it all started a number of years ago when 1040 AM WLVJ, a rabid Protestant radio station all of a sudden allowed three hours of Catholic programming every morning. And who opened every daily broadcast? You guessed it, Father Albert praying "The Angelis" whatever that is. I can only guess that WLVJ needed the money for them to allow the Roman Catholic Church to take such a daytime stranglehold on their broadcast schedule.

So we had three hours of Catholic propaganda every day. It surely could not last.

And it did not.

First to go was "Catholic Answers Live!", a phone-in program based out of San Diego. Clearly it being on at 09:00 AM made it spectacularly NOT LIVE! here in Florida.

I was disappointed to see it go because I kind of liked hearing the lunatic certainty of dogma. At least they got in a few licks against WLVJ's regular anti-catholic audience. It that respect, it was kind of subversive.

So then we were down to two hours ( 7:00 to 09:00 )

Father Albert would introduce the whole thing ( I think as a recording ). He certainly every day completely ballsed up the emphasis on the prayer at one point completely altering its meaning. You had to hear it. As Mike Myers would say "He had the emPHAsis on the wrong SylLABle". I always will wonder why they didn't have Father Albert record it again. Probably because he thought it was fine and he was the "superstar priest" so no one would say anything.

So the first hour was a mishmash - some elements being the same every day and others rotating in on a weekly basis. Typically it would be :-

1. Father Albert
2. Sister Ann Shields and "Food For The Journey"
3. Conversations with the Archbishop John Clement Favalora
4. "Breakfast For Your Spirit" with Philip Carlton a 30 minute phone-in where they had to BEG for calls. They usually got a couple, Sometimes they got none at all. Which left Philip in full on waffle mode - very bad radio.

That would typically cover 07:00 to 08:00. Let me say now that Philip Carlton has the WORST VOICE FOR RADIO EVER - it wavers and cracks. He sounds like he is two seconds away from actually croaking.

And let's not get to talking about Archbishop Favalora - He "umms" he "aahs", he clears his throat, he "umms" some more. Simply terrible radio. Awful. You simply cannot listen. He should never do radio again until he improves his diction.

And that brings us to a segment that fell away next - that was the occasional bit called "Life Matters" from the "Respect Life Office" of the Archdiocese. This was spectacularly inappropriate anti-abortion screed every week. I don't want to hear abortion details over my cornflakes - and I guess neither did the audience because this segment bit the dust.

One time I heard a woman call Philip Carlton to say that she missed "Life Matters" because she played it to her young daughter on the way to school. Talk about child abuse. It was always so graphic. I was glad to see it go. It certainly was never appropriate fare for young girls.

And then one day "Pow!" the entire hodgepodge that was the 07:00 to 08:00 hour was gone and replaced by an hour of worship music in Portuguese called "Happy Days!"

Awww! No more Father Albert!

So all we have left is the 08:00 to 09:00 hour called "Religion, Politics and the Culture" with a lay apologist called Dennis O'Donavan. This I guess remains on the air because it is a traditional US radio talk show - a right wing host trumpets his dogmatic opinions and denigrates ( "in love and with respect" ) any callers who disagree with him.

Because this works as radio, there are sponsors for this show and it remains on the air. Dennis says he is respectful of he callers - HE ISN'T.

So that is a brief history of "Radio Peace" on WLVJ showing in just a few hours of programming the ineptitude of the Roman Catholic Church here in South Florida. They got into radio because they could. They sucked at it. They now have one program left in English - a program that brings nothing essentially Catholic to the table.

And in such a weak and badly run Church can a man with the peccadilloes ( sexual and egotistical ) of Father Albert Cutie rise to a position of prominence and influence.

Of course, he's done for now. In the eyes of the Church diddling with a WOMAN has to be the ultimate sin - and a DIVORCEE too! OMG! Next thing you know Father Albert will say she was a Cuban Honey Pot - just to try to save his own skin.

Of course that won't work. WOMAN+DIVORCEE=DONE FOR.

I feel sorry for the woman herself. There were already fisticuffs outside Father Albert's Church between his aged supporters and more traditional wrinkled adherents to Church teaching.

I bet the congregation is not treating this woman well at all.

Doesn't the Bible say we are all sinners? I guess people won't forgive her because she took away their superstar priest. I'm sure they see her as some sexual temptress who snagged Father Albert with her wiles.

When of course, Father Albert broke his vows because, like John Edwards, he sees himself as a big shot and he thought he could get away with it because the organization he works for likes him.

He was and is, simply WRONG about that.